Not dead! Truthfully...

I have just been busy. With what?

Well, to start with, I have taken over the AAMS - Anytime Anywhere Messenger Service - on the Cenarion Circle server of World of Warcraft. This is an old server, and the guild itself is at least four years old. And now I am the one up to bat. I know many are probably thinking, "Great, that videogame. I thought you quit that?" Nope. Not sorry I haven't either. :p

Anyway, to let you all in on what makes me busy: being a leader is not something that I thought would be easy - it's not. It is taking a lot of time and effort to really get things going. I have started running two events now - one on monday and one on thursday. I am also trying to clean up the forums which has posts dating back to 2006/2007, and updating the AAMS manifesto so that when I start recruiting with purpose I have something fresh and new to show. It's kinda like a job I guess, the payment being the thanks I get from people who see my sacrifices and appreciate them.

Add to that I am often working OT shifts in order to help pay for a new bass guitar. I was on the www.carvin.com website, and found they have a "radiation green metallic" color option. And I want one. To reduce the impact on my finances, I figured that 2~3 weekend OT shifts would be needed. Got one, but blew half of it on a new bass pedal. Will be the last I think I'll want for a while - most bass players don't even use pedals at all.

On that note, the band doesn't exist anymore, least so far as I am concerned. We meet maybe once a month, and the focus isn't on practice so much as just jamming out. We'll have one or two songs that we get a good groove on, but that alone isn't enough to float a band. Do we need to practice every day? No, but if we can't do it once a week - how do we think we could ever get gigs?

Lastly, I can now still say I haven't ever had even the opportunity of having a girlfriend. Pathetic? Sure. Am I desperate? Hell no. That's the kicker. After just having done coffee (which I never paid for hers by the way) four or five times I get the "just friends" talk. Now, I had no problem telling people that things were going well. I liked her...but was I ready to throw my life and my heart at her feet? Nope. There were significant differences in the long-term goals, which may have been just an issue of the definition of long-term. But I hadn't even paid for a meal and already to "just friends".

Not giving up, but giving more space, because apparently what I think about how I behave hasn't matched up with the reality of the situation from her perspective, which is what motivated her to speak.

Part of me is almost upset because I am not upset. Part of me wants to be all defensive...but there's no reason. Nothing changed, except for my perception of my own actions being more...personal perhaps?...than is commonly acceptable in a relationship. We'll see.