Daily Bible Study: Proverbs 10:1

The proverbs of Solomon:

A wise son makes a glad father,
But a foolish son is the grief of his mother.

Proverbs 10:1 (NKJV).

We've gotten past the relatively more extensive narratives in Proverbs and enter into the portion of the book where there are much shorter little tidbits.

This passage speaks to the same dynamic as to why mothers want to hear from their kids, to know how their lives are going and so forth, while fathers are stereotypically less interested in such trivial affairs.

In movies and such, this has been a bit of a joke, a subtle jab at the "clueless" or father who is just minding his own business, whether the kids were little or all grown up. The father figure is detached not for a lack of caring, in capacity or capability, but by the nature of the relationships of the father in contrast with the mother and their children.

At childbirth, there is a literal chemical release inside the mother's body which creates a psychological bond with their child. The father never experiences this same type of bond, there is no obvious trigger to tell the male body to release the same chemical and form the same social bond.

For this reason, the bonding with men and their sons tends to come later in life, when shared activities are participated in. This performance-based bonding is still emotionally detached though, and so while the mother starts and never stops feeling the presence and strength of the bond between her and her children, the relationship with the father has just isn't ever the same, it isn't ever quite as "close".

The father is not tasked with the detailed care of children, though he still plays an important role, because his primary task is to bring home the resources that the mother needs to rely on in the raising of the children and the caring for the home.

These resources are essential to the dynamic of the family, and so the father has to detach himself from distractions and pondering the "what if" in order to focus on "what is" and do that as efficiently and effectively as possible. Men are, by nature and nurture, conditioned and prepared for dealing with terrible circumstances and being able to just shake it off. This comes at the price of being able to shake it all off, both the good and the bad, as is necessary in order to achieve a goal or complete a task.

Further, it's not that a mother is not happy about her son being wise, or that the father is not disappointed in a foolish son, but because the reactions of the father and mother at the different "ends of the wisdom spectrum" are the strongest at that respective end.

A wise son makes his father glad more than his mother. A foolish son pains his mother more than his father.

Fathers and mothers and their children have different relationships with each other and between one another, even if everyone is in harmony and living in the same household, the experiences are different, and so how people respond to your highs and lows will be different.

Keep that in mind when you next interact with your own parents, in how the distinct nature of your relationship with your father and your mother is unique. Appreciate the distinctions.