Diagnosis is not cure

Filed under "no duh" for most, one of the things I had to learn the hard way over the past few years is that just because someone else can correctly identify a problem you're experiencing, does not mean they know how to fix it correctly.

The self-help industry exists by exploiting how people do not make this connection.

For me, I was distracted by the accuracy with which certain folks on the internet were really good at identifying the problems that got us to where we are. Their analytical skills were excellent, and I foolishly presumed that if they knew how we got here, they'd also have a good idea on where to go next.

And then I finally noticed the circular logic.

And then I finally noticed the recycled content.

And then I finally noticed how the monetization worked.

One example was a program where, once I paid a fee, I had access to an exclusive forum where I could communicate with others also participating in the program for that month. Within about a week, found that the majority of the active posters had been through the program before, and some of them multiple times. Despite the nominal claim that you'd achieve something concrete and tangible by the end of the month, apparently everyone had only attained marginal success, and so repeat attempts were required in order to really "make it work".

Not only was that dubious, the content of the program itself also quickly became just cold reading.

"You have a big issue in your life you're afraid to deal with. DEAL WITH IT!"

This is not much of a rephrasing of one of one day's activity as part of the month-long program. There were certainly more words as part of the required reading for that day which tried to frame the activity as being much more specific in nature, but it was still up to the individual to identify something they hadn't dealt with and then deal with it on their own.

So despite the author of the program being a good parrot about certain topics, it rapidly became apparent they had no idea where to go with any of it, other than fleece rubes like me who fell for the bait-and-switch.

The program had no real accountability relationships set up either, by design, in that individuals were supposed to be self-motivating in addition to self-diagnosing. If individuals were self-motivating, let alone self-diagnosing, why would they need to pay a fee to participate in a program with other people to get help with accountability, diagnosis, and motivation in the first place?

Further, there were mandatory exercise requirements as part of the program which didn't make any sense, and if you can guess the program based on these descriptions and this video, have a cookie.

Things didn't get any better when affiliate links showed up, when content from previous days in the program were literally copy/pasted because they were that important, and the hosts let slip that at the end of that month, they'd be launching a new subscription-based service to reproduce what they already were doing with fee-based private forum access, and that the private forum would be closing at the end of the month.

Smaller issues also showed up which should have been a red flag. For example, in the private forum, people still wanted to hide behind anonymous screen names. Folks uploaded profile pictures which were not them. Any attempt at connection between users was severed because, while it was certainly more exclusive than other forums, it wasn't private enough that folks could let their guard down.

Accountability requires a level of intimacy and honesty that you can't get when people are still hiding behind anonymity.

Another red flag was that there was some silly latin motto which translated along the lines of "talk less, do more". Within that week, the private forum was running out of capacity because chatty folks wouldn't shut the fuck up or demonstrate any sort of discipline. Now, instead of the program with a "talk less, do more" motto telling folks to talk less and do more, they sent out a "hey you guys are really doing a good job connecting and getting yourselves out there" type congratulatory email.

A fool and his money are soon parted though, right?

Another self-help guru I'd run into didn't run a paid venue, but instead ran a public blog with frequent posts and an active comment section, yet there was an undertone of defeatism about the whole thing. The topics covered were entirely reactionary in the sense that they diagnosed how we got here and why, but all of the subsequent suggestions presumed that nothing would ever change again.

"Things changed from what they were, but they'll never change back, nor will they change from where they are now, so you just need to focus on adapting to how things are now!"

Adaptation to a problem, is not a very good way to eliminate the problem. If you have cancer, and want to get rid of it, you should focus on getting rid of cancer, not on trying to burn out your dopamine receptors enjoying whatever life you can before the cancer kills you.

There were books this guru sold, but they were not edited at all, and the majority of the advice was, again, just adapting to the disease, because what you're not supposed to realize is that while folks complain about the new dynamic, they prefer it over how things used to be, and were things to actually change back to what they bemoan having lost, they'd be miserable. Like "conservatives", they make a big show about the problems that afflict them and shape the choices they make, but when push comes to shove they'd prefer the disease to actually fighting back.

My favorite example, though, was with a group of folks that held an annual event where folks just presented old blog posts, including the gurus above, and charged people close to $2000 for the privilege, and then tried to claim that participants privacy was being kept safe to protecting them from people who would be upset that they now had this type of information!

We respect your privacy and safety because if people recognized you at this event, their envy and hatred for what it represents would put you at risk!

It certainly wasn't about preventing said participants from the humiliation of having to admit that they couldn't take a blog post on the internet seriously enough until whoever wrote it read it to them for thousands of dollars. Nope, that certainly can't be it at all. By the time this had come around I was already on my way out the door of my self-help experience, and it certainly cemented the cynicism that I should have had all along.

I was a fool, I got played, and so hopefully I have learned.

The self-help industry preys on the need for someone else to tell you something, but do everything they can to distract you from actually resolving the problem, and instead get you stuck spinning your wheels in the mud, convinced that the problem just needs another appointment. Or another book. Or another convention. Or another month.

Where it is easy to be led astray is that the self-help industry is inherently self-serving, adaptable, hungry for new markets, and so even topics which are otherwise politically incorrect will draw opportunists like moths to a flame. Even if the topics would create paradoxes or contradictions for the individual, with the rhetoric that they'll spout to draw the necessary crowd of suckers.

There are many folks who can diagnose expertly, but when time comes for the "what next", they fall flat. Do not rely on those people. Do not support those people. Do not put those people in a position of authority over you, even if you're genuinely learning things from them, because their concerns are ultimately with themselves, not you.

Don't be a fool like I was.